A doctor wanted to get off work and play golf, so he approached his new Irish assistant Paddy.

“I am going golfing tomorrow Paddy and I don’t want to close the surgery. Would you mind taking over and seeing to the patients?”

“No problem, sorr!” answers Paddy.

The doctor goes off to golf and returns the following day and asks: “So, Paddy, how was your day?”

Paddy told him that he had three patients to attend to.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Panadol.”

“Bravo mate and the second one?” asks the doctor.

“The second one had indigestion so I gave him milk of magnesia”.

“Excellent. That was the right thing to do and what about the third patient?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman bursts in, undresses, taking everything off including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs wide and shouts: ‘Please help me! For five years I haven’t seen a man!’”

“Good God!” exclaims the doctor, “What did you do?”

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“I put drops in her eyes!”